puppy love

No more fireworks…

Posted on by ASH

Am I a horrible person? I tell myself all the time not to rely on how I feel yet I feel so many emotions at the same time and all the time. I feel infatuated, scared, courageous, pained, frustrated, angry, and just very infatuated to be honest.

Maybe I’m just confused. And I am almost always just confused and I do not want to understand my feelings I just want them to STOP!

I want to stop being afraid and angry and lovesick and asdfghjkl!!!!!

Sometimes it’s hard to remember the God who gives us peace when your problems seem to be duct tape in your eyes…

I did not need him to tell me I was beautiful; I already know. I’m not bragging, God made me a masterpiece. He made all of us beautiful and in His image and I believe this. I just honestly adored him.

His voice. His face. Hearing his stories of when he was a kid and talking about his dad. Every detail. And then just

Nothing

And I’m left continuously falling into this pit again. I’m not mad at him or at the fact that this is over, I’m mad at MYSELF FOR BELIEVING IT COULD ACTUALLY BE A THING.

My father always did say that I was too gullible sometimes…

and they called it…Puppy love :)

Posted on by ASH

What do you call it when you begin to imagine scenarios of yourself and another person going on romantic adventures? Dang it… I try to guard my heart but should I gouge out my eyeballs as well? Does this mean Im not spending enough time with the Lord? WHY AM I FEELING THINGS? I don’t like this. It’s not okay!

So, background story, I’ve had the biggest and longest crush on one of the coolest guys on the planet (2nd of course to my father). His name is Ceejay. No worries, he knows I love him. I think anyone who’s known me since I could speak knows this fact. I base any of my real life crushes off of him. If they don’t showcase any of even just 3 of his many Godly and inspiring qualities (which I will not mention to keep my current crush a hush hush), then it’s an automatic no.  yes, I will obviously admire the appearances of some people but here this! MAN LOOKS TO THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE BUT GOD LOOKS TOWARD THE HEART! It’s the inside that matters amaright?? Can I get an amen?

SO THEN if you haven’t guessed, I had recently met someone who evidently acquire these specific attributes and my mind is spinning! My heart is pounding! My knees are shaking! And dear Angel Gabriel is that you lifting me off my feet or is it that smile of his? i feel my pupils turn into tiny hearts… this is crazy…or is it just me?

did i mention his killer smile?

DISCLAIMER: lol. no worries, Jesus is my numba 1 and i thank Him for creating maybe a picture of what He may give me in the future? i guess? bwahahahaha!!